I am [NOT] a Princess

 

I am not a princess or at least I don’t want to be one.

I never desired to  be  a princess that every Disney fairytale insinuating me to desire. Disney Princesses’ clothes are too  warm for  our country. The idea of living in  a castle is more of creepy than romantic. Our house has no place for prince charming’s  carriage not even for his horse.

Yes. I am a realist ever since.

I never imagined myself wearing a  ballgown, waiting for  her prince charming  who is  riding a gallant stallion while  waving his shining armour. The idea of Aurora, Snow White and Cinderella makes me cringe — no I cannot be that kind of woman. Helpless, dependent, incomplete without her knight in shining armour.

Yes, I am  that woman. MISS INDEPENDENT

I  was raised in a home where hard work  and self-reliance are valued. I survived countless storms and miseries in life.  I went through heartbreaks, disappointments and frustrations; enough to make me believe that I can  survive  with no one to depend on. I guess life’s challenges gave me two options; either  allow myself to drown in misery or learn how to swim and  survive from  miseries.

 

I am not a  Princess, cause I don’t want to be one

I dread the idea of being dependent, helpless,  incapable and limited.

Yes, I am  that woman.

When my father died,  I wished  I was in a fairytale where a  Prince Charming will come and save me from life’s cruelty. But nobody came to save me, so  I struggled  my way out by myself  ’cause no one understands my pain anyway.

When I was swooned by  boys, I thought  prince charming has come (every time), I thought he can fill the void and heal the wounds but prince charming is a by product of delusional fairytales.  I was once a desolate woman, hoping a prince  charming would save me but reality hit me; the boys who swept off my feet are no prince charming, not even close.   

Fairytales happen in faraway land  but  not in the world I am living. In the real world,  I don’t live in a castle. In the real world, there’s no prince charming who can save me from evil witches. In the real world, I am  not a princess but a warrior, whose wounds are badges from battles well-fought.

In the real world, I am as vulnerable as the  princesses in any Disney movies but  I don’t believe  in fairytales so I  hid my vulnerabilities behind the fortresses I built. I built walls to protect myself from getting hurt, I built walls to protect myself from my own vulnerabilities.

 

I am not a princess because… I’m afraid to be one.

The idea of vulnerability scares me. The idea of being dependent to someone paralyzes me. Yes,  I am afraid cause I know deep within me, I am weak and vulnerable. The real person behind the dominating and strong facade is a desolate woman who  feels ugly, unvalued and unloved.

 

I am not a princess, because I stopped believing that I am one.

I have not  fully understood what it means to be a princess until I have encountered a Carmelite Missionary Sister  who told me, “you are not fulfilling the second  commandment  that  Jesus told us. Love your neighbour  AS YOURSELF. The kind of love you are giving to yourself is the kind of love you are capable to give to others. If  you truly love God, you will love the person that He loves and that is YOU.”

I was stunned,  my jaw dropped. How can she tell me that I don’t love myself? See, I am self reliant and independent. I am confident and driven. The list continues…

 When I was about to open my mouth, attempting to deliver my  rebuttal, she continued, “What are the things you love about yourself?” my mind froze. I could not think of any. 

After  deep contemplation, I realized that it is not that I don’t love myself, but  I don’t believe that I am worthy to be loved.

My idea of a princess is  someone who is vulnerable but of  high value, worthy to be  pursued by her knight in shining armour. My idea of a princess has limitations but  loved  by many. My idea of a princess is beautiful and charming.

A princess is every inch of a woman that I am not.

 

I am not  a princess cause I don’t believe that  I am.

The men who I thought were  prince charming  made me forgot that when God created me,  He made me beautiful (psalm 139) and I am worthy to be loved (John 3:16)

What makes a woman a princess is not  her perfect face, flawless skin nor her finesse but what makes a woman a princess is recognizing and loving the person God created her to be.

I am a princess, a daughter of a  King, an heiress of the Creator of heaven and  Earth. My Prince Charming did not fight for me with a sword but He carried a cross and died for me on top of a hill where He proclaimed  His love for me.

I am a princess. My vulnerability is  not a sign of weakness but a detail  of a beautiful mystery.  I am a princess whose beauty and  greatness  are to be unveiled not through the walls I   built but through  the One who became vulnerable so He can show how worthy I am to be loved.

 

Yes, you are princess. Regardless of your size, colour of skin, the tone of your voice, rashness of your moves. You are every inch a princess.  Accept that you are, believe that you are.  Cause you are created as such, you are destined to be one.

You are every inch a princess.You don’t need to wait for your  prince charming  to come because He has already come but if tomorrow, someone will knock on your door to sweep off your feet, he  must be a servant of your Prince Charming. You deserve to be pursued by someone who is from God, a man of God. You deserve God’s love, there is no love greater than that.

Do you believe that you are a princess?  Start from  loving the person you get to see in the mirror everyday and make a list of the things you love about yourself.

 

You  are a princess, a daughter of a King who created Heaven and Earth and who said, “you are  precious in my eyes and honored, and I love you” – Isaiah 43:4