Where did the time go?

It feels like I just arrived in this foreign land, disoriented and confused with the timezone.
The people whose names I barely remember the first time we  met became a huge part of the 365 days of my life.
The differences I was so confused about are the things that I am used to now.
I lost count how many “Im sorry and “thank you” I have uttered in the last 365 days cause most often than not, it’s more than twice a day (only Canadian will get this! lol)

365 days, 12 months, 4 seasons, 1 year….

How did I get here?
How did I get to stay here for this long?
Why am I here?

Doing mission in Canada is one of the most exciting adventures I’ve had since I took a leap of faith and walked  the road less travelled.

There were days when I just want to teleport to be with my family especially that day when my niece was born or that week where my Mom was hospitalized.

There were days when I just feel so sad inside that I don’t want to talk to anyone, only to realize that cold weather and dark days is a perfect combo to make you feel sad. It can happen to anyone even to those who laugh at anything (yes,  it happened to me! )

There were days when I get to ask, why after eight years, I am still doing mission. Am I still called?  or I just dwell here  ’cause I am being comfortable and familiar of   this life that I chose as a missionary; challenges and discomforts included.

There may be tough days in the last 365 days but God’s grace is limitless in those 365 days.

God gave me families and homes away from home. He never fails to amaze me with every drop of snow and every cherry blossom that blooms. God gave me friends I am blessed to journey with. He never fails to comfort my soul when my human experience makes my frail self wobble.

Missionary life is not a bed of roses,  it is a garden with different kinds of flowers. Some flowers may have thorns but it makes the entire garden beautiful. Missionary life is a garden where the Lover of my soul constantly pursues me.

 

 

Doing mission in True North, enduring the cold and the longing to be with my family and the people dear to  me brought me back to those days when I wrestled with God. Those days when I was trying so hard to ignore His call yet unable to contain the burning passion to serve Him. Fulltime Work is only for the brave. Those who are brave enough to recognize that we own nothing in this lifetime, everything belongs to God, even our own life.  Fulltime Work is only for the brave. Those who are brave enough to surrender their own life, denying oneself and take the  plunge to a life of adventure with Christ!

 

Why am I here? Why am I still here?

 

“Why do you want to become a fulltime missionary” is no longer the  question I  am  facing at present. After eight  years, I get to  be confronted with this question,  “Why do you  still want to be  missionary?”

 

Responding to God’s call is hard but remaining faithful to His call is harder.  It requires conscious effort, many YESes  and a lot of grace…

To obey God even if the uncertainties are overwhelming.

To persevere in prayer even if His silence is excruciating.

To continue to love even if it hurts.

To remain faithful even in the midst of uncertainties.

 

It is by God’s grace that I am here, it is by God’s grace that I am still here cause even the courage to say “Yes” to His invitation in this adventure with Him is not mine, it is His grace. The 365 days  in True North magnified  God’s pursuit in the last eight years.  God was with me  for 365 days every year (366  on leap year to be more precise lol!) in the last eight  years. In obedience & faith in Him, suffering and loneliness paved the way for His beautiful and transforming grace. 

“By the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective. Indeed, I have toiled harder than all of them; not I, however, but the grace of God  (that is) with me.”

– 1 Cor 15:10

Someone asked me if  I am living the life I dreamed of.

I paused, and answered, “No, I am not living my dream but I am living God’s dreams for me”.

The last 365 days is a proof of that.

365 days and counting! Praise God!

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”

-St. Catherine of Siena

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