I stared at my blood-tinged vomit and said to myself,
“I have to end this or else I’m going to die.”
When I was in high school, I felt fat and ugly. I saw no beauty whenever I looked at my reflection. As a result, I had bad eating habits and deliberately forced my gag reflex in order to become thinner hoping that people will accept and notice me if I were a few kilos lighter and a few inches thinner.
What moved me to do such foolishness? It was the false belief that I was not good enough. It was like someone constantly whispered in my ear that my talent was divisible by my size, so I succumbed to the pit of insecurity.
One afternoon, I decided to put an end to that disastrous habit when I vomited blood after a habitual purge. What made me decide to stop and transcend from my insecurities? I was afraid to die.
At the age of 16, I could have died due to my distorted self-image. Insecurity is a criminal. This culprit can seep through your inner being then it can make you feel like you’re not good enough, you’re unloved, ugly, unhappy and miserable.
Our insecurity comes in different forms but they are all dangerous. They work like Carbon Monoxide – its presence goes unnoticed until it becomes toxic.
It was a hard battle for me over the years. It took a lot of conscious effort and prayers to not fall in that dark pit again. In the long run, I’ve discovered an antidote for that harmful poison called insecurity.
- Believe that you are beautiful. Discover and appreciate your asset. I am asking you to discover your physical asset because justifying that you have a good heart or that you are smart can only make you feel ugly physically. Find your physical asset like your beautiful smile, mesmerizing eyes, shiny hair, flawless skin or red lips. You have one or more physical asset that you failed to acknowledge because you are too focused on the size of your hips, the troublesome acne or the nose that is either too small or too big for your face.
- Appreciate yourself every morning. Before going out into the world and becoming self-conscious, look at the mirror and remind yourself that you are beautiful. How you see yourself affects how other people see you.
- Discover and enhance your strength. What are the things are you good at? Are you a writer? Maybe you’re good in public speaking? Dancer? Singer? Can you cook? Artistic? Sociable? What are you are capable of? All of us have special skills but not all of us have discovered the giftedness in us. You are unique. You are special. Believe that you are!
- Look good and feel good. You don’t need to go lavish in clothes or spend much in beauty products. Just wear clean and comfortable clothes and always take note of your hygiene. Know the right colour, right cut and right clothes for you. Know the basics of fashion.
- Do things for yourself, not for others. I am not asking you to be selfish though. If you decide to lose weight, let it be because you want to be physically healthy. Look good to feel good and not because you want to look good for the apple of your eye. Making other people as your motivation makes your effort temporary. Let your health and fitness be your driving force.
- You are significant. You are of high value. Neither a heartbreak nor rejection and failure can depreciate your worth. Our value and worth is constant. The only variable element is how we appreciate and value that worth.
- Love yourself! Forgive yourself if you fail. Commend yourself for the good things that you have done. Be patient with yourself when your pace in becoming better is slow.
What are the 10 things you love about yourself?
Do you feel loved?
I am praying that may you never forget how immensely and greatly loved you are by the Lover of your soul, God.
Have a lovely adventure ahead!
A Catholic Lay Missionary who travels the world to share her story with God. She believes that life in Christ is a beautiful adventure.