When the Long Wait is not yet Over

Days ago, I attended a good friend’s wedding and I came prepared. Apart from fixing my hair and putting on my make-up, I prepared myself for the question that “probably” pops up, “when are you getting married?”

I have mastered my facial expression and gesture as I tried to be witty in answering, “The last time I’ve checked, he is on his way. I just don’t know which part of the world he is from”

In the last 3 years, I’ve been facing this question especially every time I attend weddings or family reunions.  Waiting for “THE ONE” is not easy. The uncertainties and the unknown are too bleak to deal.  Here is what I would like to share; when, after 28 years, the long wait is NOT YET OVER.

RELAX.

It’s not the end of the world and even if the world will end today, it does not matter whether you are single, in a relationship or married. Waiting can be lonely if we dwell too much on that coming of the ONE rather than being present at present and enjoy what is happening in real time. Celebrate your single life! Appreciate what you have rather than being envious of your friends who are in relationship or who have cute kids whose photos flood your facebook newsfeed. You are single, praise God! You are alive!

WAIT IN JOYFUL PARTICIPATION.

Do not just sit there and wait but rather, walk, take the bus, fly! I’m not telling you to look for him but participate by finding yourself first.

What are your fears?

What annoys you?

What frustrates you?

What are your brokenness?

What motivates you?
Dearest friend, the road to forever start with knowing yourself and embracing the real you —the best time to do that is NOW that you are single.

I realized that the last 5 years is the best years of my life (yet) and that 5 years is the longest of me not being in a relationship, dating someone or whatsoever romantic attachment. I thank the Lord for these 5 years of being single because those 5 years led me closer to God and to myself.

I was able to befriend myself, understand my brokenness and know my worth. I am so certain that I will not be able to discover these if I am in a relationship; dinner dates would be preferred rather than traveling alone to have a “me-time”.

Be the updated and the best version of yourself, so when your “God’s gift” will come, you will be the best gift for that person in return.

LOVE THAT PERSON YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE MIRROR EVERY DAY.

Before you put on your make up to cover those blemishes and before you put on your clothes to cover your flabs; look yourself at the mirror and love everything what you see.  Girls, you have to know your value and be reminded of how precious you are despite and in spite of your imperfections and your darkest past. Love yourself to be able to love others as well.

Are we not commanded to “love others as yourself?” (Mat 12:31)

The kind of love you give to yourself is the kind of love you are capable to give to others.  Love yourself and value your worth.

MASTER THE ART OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.

I always remind the youth I am serving with in our youth ministry,

“You have no right to be in a relationship if you can’t say “I love you” to your parents”.

If you cannot love and express your love to the people you are blessed with since day one of your existence, then how can you love the person you’ve recently met?

Loving someone is a decision, being in a relationship is a commitment and marriage is faithfulness to your vow. These three requires unconditional love. Is your “love tank” capable to give that?  Stretch your capacity to love by loving the people around you — start within your family.

NEVER SETTLE FOR WHAT YOU DON’T DESERVE.

I have dated some guys in the past; most of them are boys (who were not YET man enough to face the odds that comes with “being in a relationship”). Yes, I fell in love more than once and I admit, having someone to be with, someone to hold your hand and to go out for a date brings butterflies to my stomach.  But the butterflies had a lifespan, when they fade away and relationship turned sour I came to ask, “do I deserve this?”’

Sometimes we accept the love we think we deserve and most often than not, we endure even if it’s beyond bearable only to stick with the delusion:

“HE IS THE ONE”.

Years ago I was holding on to loosing battle then one day I woke up asking myself, “Do I deserve this?” the answer did not come in split seconds — I knew right there and then, I deserve more than what I made myself believed.
Any man who does not value your worth does not deserve your precious value.

THE GUY NEXT TO YOU IS NOT THE ONE.

Do not consider any man you meet as your potential boyfriend. You might become too anxious and paranoid for an invalid reason. This will also limit you from meeting other people, men in particular. This might make you distant or you might be sending wrong signals that can shoo men away. It does not mean that you should stop meeting men, in fact as advised by some reliable guy friends, we should go out, know more people and expand our social realm. Not because we are looking for the “ONE” but because meeting new people will allow us to grow.

KNOW WHETHER THE WHITE DRESS IS FOR YOU.

Marriage is not the end of a girl’s journey. Your story is different from that of Cinderella, Snow White and Belle; I’m sorry to burst your bubble dear but your love story does not end in happy ever after just because you get married. In fact, your walk down the aisle is the beginning of an eternal adventure. Marriage is a calling; it is a vocation. It entails devotion and faithfulness to that sacrament. Marriage is not made to make us fulfilled and be happy but rather it is for two individuals whose purpose in life will be fulfilled by taking the path of married life.  Marriage is a vocation, not an ending of a romantic movie.

FALL IN LOVE WITH THE LORD.

Only God can satisfy the deepest longing of our hearts, no human love can ever replace nor equate that. Meeting your one true love is part of your love story with the Lord. Take note “a part”, not the ending of your story. Allow the Lord to pursue you first, let Him hold your hand, let He be the one to protect and lead you.

Be filled with the love of the Source of love – God.  So when the “One” would come, you can love him fully with the love that you received from the Lord. So when he comes, he will not be filling in the empty spaces of your heart because that heart is already filled by the love of the Lord. And if “the one” will not come because married life is not for you, then you will be at peace because you are fulfilled and secure by the love of the Lord.

Waiting is not easy; I admit there are blue days and lonely nights when you wish you are in a relationship or wish you found the one. But isn’t it sadder to settle for someone just because you want to be happy? Isn’t it sad to rush things without enjoying the journey?

God is writing the best love story for you and me. It can end with you walking down the aisle in your wedding dress, walking in the church with your hobbit or taking good care of His beloved brethren as a consecrated single woman of God. No matter what the ending of our stories is, one thing is certain; He died on the cross to make it happen. We only need to pray and participate to make it happen.

Remember, Our greatest love story is our story with the Lord, “Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you” – Isaiah 43:4

You are immensely loved by God!