To all the Boys I HATED before

TO ALL THE BOYS I HATED BEFORE;

I’m sorry

I am sorry if  I have judged you based on your mistakes. Sorry for  not giving you another chance when you failed to be the person I expected you to be.  Forgive me for the many days I made it difficult for you. For the days when I made you feel that you are not  good enough, not man enough. Apologies for my endless ranting - for the numerous “you could have done this, you should have done that”… I failed (or  I never tried) to understand your realities. Maybe you were scared then or you’re not too sure yet or you’re still figuring how things should be done. More than that, I failed to acknowledge that you have different ways of doing things.  I am sorry if I made you feel that you are not enough. It is when I get to know you more that I finally realized that by being who you are as a man, is enough. Yes, you are enough. I hope you will remind yourself everyday that when God created you He said, “it is very good”  (Genesis 1:31)

I am sorry if you feel that I don’t trust you. I hope you will believe  me if I tell you that I tried… A couple of times, but my fallen nature was too scared to trust. My mind is programmed to magnify what is not  good in you, as an effect, I see the tiniest details of your mistakes. The truth is, I did not trust myself fully; so it was hard for me to trust  others, especially those who don’t think the way I think and do things the way I do. The difference in our chromosomes (mine is XX and yours is XY) is a  proof that you can never think, feel and do things exactly the same way I do. I forgot that I am called to honour our differences and meant to embrace the truth that  God created us equal but not the same. God trusted (you) Adam to have dominions of His creation. Who am I not to trust you? (Genesis 1:26)

I am sorry for not allowing you to be who you are meant to be - a man who leads. For years I have made myself believe that I can do whatever I want cause I am a strong independent woman. The truth is, I was threatened by your presence cause you are stronger than me,  faster than me and you have the ability to think about nothing (seriously, how do you do that?).Your presence made me recognize that even though I can do things on my own, there are things that can be done better when you’re around. And it sucks to realize that cause I’m being confronted by the word that I dreaded the most: VULNERABILITY. Remember that day when I refused your offer to carry the heavy boxes I was carrying? Or that day that I did not allow you to hold the doors for me? Those were the days that I failed to embrace my vulnerability. Those were the  subtle ways of not allowing you to lead. I forgot that allowing you to lead is not a sign of my weakness, but rather an expression of being secure about who I am as a woman of God.So please don’t be scared to lead;  hold the doors, lead the prayer, initiate discussions…. We need men who dare to take the lead.  

I am sorry for not giving you a chance to show me that not all men  are alike. Forgive me for forgetting that you are not the same person who broke my heart or ruined my trust.  I have over-generalized you. I jumped into conclusion based on my preconceived idea of you. But you know what, even if you were that person  who wrecked my heart, I forgot that we are all subject to our own weaknesses but we are not our weaknesses. Please remember that you are not dumb. You may make dumb choices, but you are not dumb. Forgive me for not realizing that barking at your mistakes won’t build up your character.  I pray that may you be prudent with your decisions and be courageous to face the consequences of your actions cause you are a prudent and courageous man.

I am sorry if women like me made it hard for you to stand up and be a man. The truth is, we need you. We need boys who will grow up to be a man. The world needs men who are courageous enough to provide, protect and pastor. We need fathers who are bold enough to protect the sanctity of his family at all costs. We need Church fathers who will be our guide in our faith journey. We need brothers in Christ who will remind us of our worth and value as a woman. 

WE NEED YOU. So please don’t be ashamed nor be scared to be the man you are meant to be. I am praying that may you become the man that God created you to be. Cause man, you will set the world on fire! 

So please don’t allow yourself to be defeated by your temptations or your fears. Believe me, you are greater than who you think you are. 

May you never forget that you are God’s beloved son. This is your infinite identity regardless of your work, success, bank account, failures, and sinfulness. May you possess St. Joseph’s virtue and may he intercede for you as you strive to be the man you are meant to be.

Sincerely yours, 

THE WOMAN WHO USED TO HATE YOU